Thursday, January 29, 2009

Blagooyovictch Ousted

Good. Becasuse I can't spell or pronounce that anme anyway and his beady / shifty eyes gave him away.

Now if we can get rid of all the other hypocritical democrats.

Friday, January 23, 2009

New National Anthem


You need Kood Aid
Baby I'm not foolin'
Gonna send you
Back to schoolin'


Way down inside
You wanna give me your stuff
Gonna give me your stuff
Gonna gaive me every last bit of your stuff


You give me your ass!
Get away from my ass
I want all of your stuff
Get away from my stuff....

(Barney Frank)

Shake for me folks
I want to be your backdoor man

Get away from my ass
Get away from my ass....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

For Dr Snorpht von Fingerpoots

Understanding Engineers - Take One-------------------------------------------Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway." Understanding Engineers -

Take Two--------------------------------------------To the optimist, the glass is half full.To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.Understanding Engineers -

Take Three---------------------------------------------A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"Understanding Engineers -

Take Four-------------------------------------------- What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers -

Take Five--------------------------------------------The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"Understanding Engineers -

Take Six ------------------------------------------ Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers -

Take Seven---------------------------------------------Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers -

Take Eight---------------------------------------------An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Send in the Clowns

New York Fed chief Timothy Geithner, Barack Obama's nominee for Treasury secretary, reportedly failed to pay self-employment taxes from 2001 to 2003, and also employed an immigrant housekeeper whose employment documentation lapsed

Monday, January 19, 2009

So, what have we learned in 2 millennia?

So, what have we learned in 2 millennia?"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."

Cicero - 55 BC

Evidently nothing.


It speaks for itself, well, sort of....

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Now the Government Owns the Banks

Your privacy has never been more intruded upon

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Proof Positive

41 videos showing what is really going on in gaza

Monday, January 12, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Leno iIs Better Than Letterman

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people butkeeps the building standing. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is nowbeing called Wal Mart Street. - Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. Thepigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW. - Jay Leno

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in LasVegasand an investment banker? A tie. - Jay Leno

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the leftside nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left. - Jay Leno

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show,if you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam.Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favouritecandy bar. - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is eventhicker. They had to include pictures. - Jay Leno9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners inSan Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors,General Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of mycheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't knowwhetherthat refers to mine or the bank's. - Jay Leno

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Illegal Immigrants

Comin from Mexico and Guatemala, these border jumpers are eagerly spotted as they take flight from south of the border.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

New Pimp Mobile

Hump Day Funnies

Sent in by a Bud in San Diego------

We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.

I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to thro w it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratt on rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says one cannot crap, pee, and get a nut at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I cant let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had<> some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it.

I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you might first think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our littlesession cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of thenumber 4 (still dont understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I <>appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT g ives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

MidEast Ceasefire Package

A Mideast ceasefire package is being worked on by Israel, Egypt, Jordan, as indicated and outlined here:

While Germany, the US and Saudi Arabia also are working on proposals.

Hollywood Celebs Coming Out of the Closet

No, no. Not gays.

Those who could not be seen or heard in public. Libertarians and Conservatives.,2933,476165,00.html

Monday, January 5, 2009

Increased Chatter / Precautions

My sources, often reliable, sometimes not, indicate increased non-specific chatter mostly pertaining to NYC and vicinity, centering around this Wednesday. Wednesday is a Muslim holiday and the possibility of violence exists as does other dangerous situations. We have been personally advised to be out of NYC on that date by multiple sources, but don't intend to leave. As always we review emergency procedures with our family. It's a good time for all of you to do so as well.

This comes amidst daily protests near the UN, various delegations speaking there these past few days.

I hope this turns out to just be another safety exercise for us.

Where's My Shillelagh ???

That explains the lack of customers these days. They are all on vacation!

Slainte and Guid forder!

MidEast 101

Here is a primer for current affairs in case you have been in deep freeze, or France, for the past 60 years or so.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Tonight's Bombshell?

or a dud?

This was sent to me by a usually reliable resource. Let's see.

"Here's the BIG inside scoop. Tonight,1/2 at 9 pm Eastern Time, at will be reveiled online a certified copy of Obamas father's divorce decree proving Obama Jr. WASNT born in the USA, but in Kenya."


What is the common link?

Tony Resko
Rev Wright
Rod Blagojevich
Bill Ayers