Monday, December 22, 2008
Government Run Business
Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country and 700 Billion Dollars to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze. Now if that doesn't make you nervous, what does?
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Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Donal the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Donal revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Donal to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Donal readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Donal the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Donal to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Donal the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Donal worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Donal left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Donal found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Donal couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Donal.
The moral of the story............
Pay your bills.
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank."
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right
all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab,
things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete.. He
could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with
the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a
Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine,
which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could
fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street
blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and
avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in
them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew
how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never
answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing
was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the
perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever
measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank.
He died. I'm married to his fuckin' widow.
The govt. brings new meaning to the term FUBAR!
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